Maya on Interaction

I’m delighted to see your name in the to field of a service-generated message, and I would even read the contence of the greeting with interest if I didn’t have to click the link below to declare my address live and spammable.

Even though I’ve only resorted to it once, I can understand that mass-messaging makes life easy, and maybe there is something about 16 pt Comic Sans MS that heightens the tenderness of your written wishes. It’s ok, my love for you is not contingent on your personal e-attention. But you are testing my love by precipitating spam.

Read the privacy policies (lurking, in very uncelebratory 9 pt arial at the bottom of hyperactive e-greeting pages) before you divulge my address which I try hard to safeguard from vile precipitators of info overload.

To be honest, I am enraged by your greeting approach. Here is my usual (but highly personalised) treatment of the sticky issue:

“Thanks so much for your holiday wishes. It’s great to hear from you, and makes me curious about life and new developments.” [I remain curious because you’ve put me in a situation where I have to expose myself to danger in order to get the details.]

…Specific questions about recent travel, happy or contentious family matters, business initatives… [I love you enough to consider happenings that are significant to you.]…

“Oh - P.S., my suspicion about those e-greeting card services is that they are sneakier than they seem.” [I’m not a know-it-all, just sober and downtrodden by spam.]

…Then I breifly describe what I think the greeting card pimps are up to…

“Not sure if spam is as much of a problem for the rest of the gang, [Make no mistake: you are causing malaise for everyone on your mailing list] but speaking personally, it’s such a thrill to hear from you, that plain text more than does the trick!”

Sometimes what I think is fantastic diplomacy comes out as blazing sarcasm. Tell me if my message seems harsh in the context of furry graphics and fonts. Maybe someone should build an e-greeting response site: Choose a color scheme, cute animated things, and a public service message: “You meant well but did you know…” that’s neutral and impersonal so just as unlikely to offend as its trigger message is to heartwarm.