Maya on Interaction

3 out of 3 fellows surveyed think I’m a wonderful person and dump me after 3ish years.

Here’s one for the third:

Dear 3,

I don’t miss feeling how expensive it is for you to call me.

Once when I mentioned how much money you save on not having to buy me beer regularly, you joked “not necessarily.” Why was your reaction to compare long distance fees with beer prices? Why wasn’t it that you long to buy me beer on a regular basis? or that the sound of my voice justifies the harshest long distance phone charge?

Why was the reason you hesitated to suggest I move to Swindlerzland that you “didn’t want the responsibility.” Why wasn’t it because you were worried that I wouldn’t be fulfilled or feel at home there?

(Do I strike anyone as the sort of person who would delegate responsibility for decisions about my life??)

Why did you once take the pain to tell me not to come to a ski trip with your family? I haven’t yet in my life intended to go on any ski trip with any family. But let’s say I were the family ski trip type, your reason had something to do with a small chalet and your parents not being comfortable. But you were speaking to me. So why didn’t my comfort concern you?

You said it. You don’t love me.

Join the queue. Billions of people don’t love me. The 4 or 5 people who do don’t want you in their queue anyway.

I’m not angry that you don’t love me. I’m angry that my hopes of cultivating love with you gave rise to tolerance where none was due.

3, you are a reminder to know my threshold of tolerance. I promise never again to have hopes so high that I ignore it.

I’ll take from you 3, glimpses of sweetness in your eyes, memories of how, cities ago, you rested your head or limbs on me but made them weightless - even while you were sleeping. I’ll take a lesson about when to speak and when to do. I’ll even take a healthy bit of arrogance. But I won’t use it on anyone who cares about me.

I wish you many lessons too.

Maya